Get Away from Emotional Abuse
By Relationship Barista Lissa Coffey
Dear Lissa, 
I had dated my boyfriend/fiancé for about 5 years, but we never officially made our engagement public. I was so in love with this man, it is unbelievable. But he took me for granted lots of times.
I thought we had a strong relationship until about 2 1/2 years into the relationship. I became pregnant with our first child. Instead of him being happy, he asked me to have an abortion, because he was not ready.
It came to the point where he told me that I was being selfish for wanting to keep the child, due to our finances. He and I were both in our late 20's and I felt that we were both able to support this child. Yes, it may have been hard, but we could have done it together.
He said he "loved me," but felt that it would be in the best interest of us to wait to have a child later. I asked him if he would be mad if I decided to keep the child and he told me "yes".
Further, he went on to say "you are just like every other woman who wants to have a baby and doesn't care who the father is." This is untrue because I was with him for years before the pregnancy, and I have never been pregnant before.
He was so cold to me during my pregnancy, and was angry that I didn't see it his way. He even told me not to tell anyone (family or friends) that I was pregnant, because he didn't want anyone to convince me to keep our child.
Now, he says he is sorry and he wants to make it right. How could a man who says he loves a woman, force her to abort his child even though he sees the pain that it is putting on the woman.
Even after all that, I still stayed with him for another 2 years until now. We are separated, and I am unsure if it was the right decision. We have a few problems, none of which is infidelity (that I know of), and I am afraid that I have made the wrong decision to leave him. Part of it was due to him not wanting our baby. Unfortunately, I did go ahead with the abortion in 2005 and I regret it to this day.
As for us being engaged, he never bought me a ring. I bought a ring for myself (which was fake) and he didn't even have the decency to reimburse me for it. He had the nerve to get angry because I stopped wearing it. But HOW can he be angry when he didn't purchase the ring himself?
Now that I have left, he wants to buy me a ring, buy his own place, and be the man that I want him to be. My question is, why couldn't he have been the man that I wanted him to be years ago? Why was it ok to take me for granted for so long and now, he decides to change at the "23rd" hour?
It is NOT okay that he has taken you for granted, and abused you emotionally for all this time. I don't think he has decided to change, I think he has figured out what he thinks he needs to say to you in order to get you to stay with him. Get away from this abusive relationship. Isn't that the advice you would give one of your girlfriends in the same situation?
You have given him plenty of chances. Now it's time to give yourself a chance. Take control of your own life. Be strong. Make your own decisions. You can't change your past - but you can definitely change your future. Love yourself enough to do what is right for you. You deserve a really good guy who loves you completely, someone with whom you can share your life and who will treat you with kindness and respect. There are a lot of guys out there like that.
When you start loving yourself, and believing that this is what you deserve, then that's exactly what you will attract. Your new life starts right now!
Love,
Lissa
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