Intimacy is about Honesty
By Relationship Barista Lissa Coffey
A member in Phoenix wants to get her husband's interest back.
Dear Lissa,
I have been married for three years. Things are ok for the most part.
We are in the swingers lifestyle which is something I should have never brought him into. Seems like some days he's into me sexually and some days he's not. I mean he gets sex every day almost with me plus on the weekends when we swing.
The other thing is he also chats on the internet and cybers with a lot of women, and I know he has called some long distance. He says they're just friends, which he does have a lot of women friends.
Just seems like he's got a sex addiction to me, like he's never satisfied with just me or even our swinging lifestyle. I feel like I'm nothing in his eyes no more, like I'm second best to these women on the internet or swinging women.
But every time I bring it up, he just gets mad and we argue. So I don't even say anything anymore. I don't have any family here. They are all far away and no friends here really.
What should I do? Any suggestions that I can do to maybe pep up my sex life with him or at least get him interested in me again or get him to be honest and opened with me?
~ Not Enough for Him
Dear Not Enough,
Your husband is a sex addict. Check out this site to get more information, there is a 12 question quiz your husband can take to self-assess.
You need to get help, immediately, or your relationship is going to end - it's just a matter of time. That's what sexual addiction does. By participating in swinging, you're being an enabler. Or perhaps you have an addiction yourself. You both need to go to an SAA meeting, and renew your commitment to your relationship.
Get parental controls set on your computer so that neither of you can access pornographic websites. Stop having sex with other people. Start respecting each other, and start loving what you have together and you will rebuild that intimacy. Intimacy has nothing to do with sex. It's about honesty.
Love,
~
Lissa
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