Unfulfilled Expectations
By Relationship Barista Lissa Coffey
One member is disappointed by her so-called friends.
Dear Lissa, 
I need someone else's insight on a little problem I have. My problem involves a girl and two guys.
I recently graduated from a community college. While I was there, I became friendly with the girl and one of the guys through a student club we were involved in.The second guy I knew of because he worked in the student bookstore (he was closer in age to me).
Anyway, after graduating, I tried to stay in touch with them. The girl kind of blew me off on a weekly basis, so I stopped calling her for a while. The other guy I would see at the new college that we would be going to, and he was nice and cordial. We came up with the idea of having the biggest party ever before school started back.
Well, I emailed and called a few people that I knew including these two guys and the girl. The guys never called or emailed me back, but the girl finally did (but it was four days before she emailed me back). I believe she is going to try to take over my idea and use it as her own. I really don't trust her as far as I can throw her. The guys kind of surprised me. I thought they would come through, but they did not (even the older guy bailed on me).
My question is should I throw away their numbers and email addresses and forget about this party? Or should I continue being let down by them? The older guy I won't see anymore because I don't go to that college anymore. But the other guy I will see because we will be going to the same university starting in August. The girl will be going there in January. What should I do?
Please help,
~
Looking to the Future
Dear Looking,
You have a few options here. You could say to the girl - "Sweet! You're going to have the party? Let me know if you need any help." And then just go and have a good time. Or you could continue to plan your own party, invite whoever you want, and not care if those 3 show up or not. Or you could tear up phone numbers and forget about the whole thing.
I hope you do one of the first two. I don't think these people are purposely letting you down. I think that your expectations are set too high. Remember this: "Unfulfilled expectations cause upset." People, and college students in particular, can be flaky. They're really into their own thing, and they're not great about keeping up relationships. This is kind of a time in their lives where relationships are transient, anyway.
If you want to be friends, then know that this is the kind of friends that they are capable of being right now, and accept them as they are without any expectations at all. When you see them, be friendly, but don't try to plan group activities that they can't, or won't, commit to. There are plenty of other people at school with whom you can make a more solid connection.
Love,
~
Lissa
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