A Relationship based on sex and a relationship with no sex
By Relationship Barista Lissa Coffey
 Dear Lissa,
Can a relationship just be based on sex?
Dear Sweet Connection Member,
A relationship based on sex is not a relationship, it's just sex. For men, this is a little easier to accomplish, they don't get emotionally attached. But for women, this can be a challenge, because when we have sex, our bodies produce a chemical called oxytocin, which causes us to feel emotions and we get attached to the person. It can get complicated. It is much better to wait until you are actually in a relationship to have sex. If you just want sex, there are plenty of ways you can do that all on your own.
Love,
~
Lissa
Dear Lissa,
My ex-boyfriend and I dated for about two and a half years. All of a sudden I lost sexual interest in him. I longer wanted to kiss him or have a sexual desire for him. I honestly never felt like I had that sexual desire for him.
I love him very much. He is the sweetest most caring person in the world. I know I would do anything for him. I always spend time at his house and I cook and help him clean. At times when I am low on cash, he helps me out and when he is low on cash I help him out. We are always there for each other to help and support one another.
My family loves him and he has even traveled with me to meet all of my family. I have also traveled to visit his family and everyone loves expect his mom and dad. I feel like they think I am not enough for their son.
Anyways I have tried to go my own separate way and I have tried to date other people. But when I spend so much time away from him I started to miss him. I know I wouldn't want to have kids with anyone but him. He is a very successful man and is currently attending ASU. He will take over his dad's construction company when he graduates from ASU.
Anyway, my questions is do you think I am in love with him and we can have a relationship without the sex?
Dear Sweet Connection Member,
It sounds like you love your boyfriend. Are you in love with him? That's another question. You can have a relationship with him without sex, but it's not very likely that you can have a happy marriage without it. I don't think many people would want a marriage without sex.
So, you need to ask yourself some questions here. When you have sex with your boyfriend do you like it? If you don't, do you think that it's because you don't like sex, or you don't like having sex with him? If it's something going on with you, then you need to talk with your doctor and see what might be the cause of this. It might be physical.
If it's that you were never really satisfied when you had sex with your boyfriend, but you've been sexually satisfied before, then maybe the two of you can take a weekend couple's class and learn some "techniques" that will make it better for both of you.
If it's just a chemistry thing, and you have sexual feelings towards other men even now, then maybe there's nothing your boyfriend can do and it's just not going to work out between you two. Maybe you really are better off as friends.
When you miss your boyfriend, do you miss him, or do you miss the company, the companionship? You might want to take a break for a longer period of time so that you can figure out how you really feel. It's not fair to this young man to keep going back to him just because he's sweet and a good boyfriend. He deserves a girlfriend who is totally crazy about him! And you deserve a boyfriend you can get excited about, in every way.
Love,
Lissa
Learn more about Lissa.
Do you have a relationship question for Lissa? E-mail us!
The information presented and the opinions expressed are those of the content provider. KTVK-TV and KASW-TV do not endorse the accuracy or reliability of any advice, opinion, statement, or other information by the content provider. You acknowledge that any reliance upon any such opinion, advice, statement, or information shall be at your sole risk.
|
