He doesn't get that being a mom is a full-time job
By Relationship Barista Lissa Coffey
Dear Lissa,
I have become very frustrated with my husband. After a long struggle to get pregnant for the third time, we now have a 9 month old, a 9 year old, and 7 year old. I quit my job in March and now am a full-time mom. 
Now that I am at home, my husband feels that he no longer has to help around the house, help with the kids or worry about house repair. He will come home from work, tell me about how hard his day was, and about all the funny things that happened to him, THEN he will either go work on his hobby (RC airplanes) or will go take a nap for a few hours, while I get dinner ready, take care of the kids, get them in bed and clean-up the house.
Whenever I talk to him about needing his help, he just shrugs me off and tells me that I have all day off, I have all day to do what I want or to make the kids do it (they have their own chores to do), and he always has an excuse not to help! I feel like a single parent and he makes me feel that since I don't provide an income, that I no longer have an opinion.
How can I get him to understand how his actions are hurting my self-worth? Why doesn't he understand that I don't get to "come home" from a job and take it easy, that my job is a 24 hour job and I need help in the evenings?
Thanks for your time,
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
Has your husband always acted like this or is this a new behavior since the baby was born and you are at home now? Because you two need to sit down and get this worked out pronto! What were his responsibilities at home before the baby was born? Those are the minimum things he should be doing. He needs to understand that he's not "helping you" but that this is a partnership, a family, and if he is a part of the family then he needs to act like it.
Right now he's doing a disservice to his wife and to his children by not spending time with you, and by treating you as hired help rather than a partner. The kids have got to be feeling his absence, too. He's not there for them! Figure out what would be a reasonable schedule for both of you. If he is unaware of all that needs to be done - then go visit relatives for a week and leave him to deal with it on his own for awhile! Make a list of all that you do all day, and night! Maybe if he sees it in writing he'll get a clue. Groceries don't magically get into the refrigerator. Clean clothes don't just appear in the drawers. The kids don't drive themselves to school. The baby doesn't feed and change itself. You both wanted these children; you didn't have the babies all by yourself.
It might be that your husband is resentful that you don't have two paychecks coming in. Would he rather that you were working? These are things you two need to talk about. Child care is expensive, and if you do a spreadsheet for how much you'd be making working part time and how much money you'd have to pay out to get a housekeeper and a babysitter, then he can better evaluate the "deal" he's getting with you at home.
This sounds like a job for Super Nanny. If you can't get him to come around, you might want to apply to be on that show! Seriously, you can't let your husband continue to treat your family like this. You are exhausted and resentful already - and it's only going to get worse. If he won't listen to you, maybe he'll listen to a marriage counselor, or a relative. Show him this letter, maybe he'll listen to me! He's got to take some responsibility for this family, and participate at home, or his family is going to fall apart.
Love,
~
Lissa
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