Trying to figure out his Ping Pong Behavior
By Relationship Barista Lissa Coffey
Dear Lissa,
 My boyfriend of 3 months proposed after 6 weeks of dating. I said, "let's wait for a year before we start talking of marriage." After this, we did not see each other as often.
He starting playing sports, and no longer wanted to do the things we used to do together. He said he did not like the food I liked, he only ate pizza, and he was not interested in travel, or anything other than watching TV.
The last few weeks were hard, as he pretty much stopped calling and returning phone calls. I asked him if he wanted to end the relationship. I asked several times over a 2 week period. Each time he would apologize for his behavior and say he would be a better boyfriend.
The last time we saw each other, he asked me to promise that we would be together for the rest of our lives. I told him things had not been going well and that his behavior would have to improve before I could promise anything.
Tomorrow is my birthday. He sent me an e-mail today saying he needed to take a break and that he is sorry. I sent him an e-mail back saying that it was not decent to send this kind of e-mail, yet the day before my special birthday dinner which had been planned.
I do not want him back. I am just trying to understand this ping pong behavior. Every time he backed away I would ask him if he wanted to end the relationship. I told him I wanted to end the relationship, but was convinced it could be what he said it could be.
Is this the behavior of someone who just wants to string someone along? Does this person want me only if I do not seem to want him? I have not been in a serious relationship for 4 years, and this was my first in all this time.
Although it was wonderful for the first 6 weeks, it seemed to fall apart after we took a weekend trip, where I went alone to places in NY City, while he stayed in the hotel room. This was the beginning of the trouble.
I am glad to have closure but the way it ended seemed rather cruel. I would have waited another week and would never send someone who professed lifelong long a "sorry" e-mail. Any pointers on this one?
Thanks,
Sick of Ping-Pong
Dear Sick of Ping-Pong,
Well, of course what you would have done is different from what this guy did - you're two completely different people, and incompatible at that. I just don't know why you didn't figure it out sooner and end it yourself.
Who knows what his motives were with proposing so soon - but you handled it well, so be glad. There are a lot of nice, normal, sane men out there. But this guy evidently isn't one of them. You don't need to understand, just move on, lesson learned!
Love,
~
Lissa
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