A Sweet Connection Member from Glendale needs Lissa’s help.

“I'm a 48 yr old female with 4 boys. I live with my fiancé of almost 4 yrs and his teenage daughter. The household is full of tension – mainly due to her immature, irresponsible behavior, as well as her disrespect to me and her father. It has caused a lot of resentment towards my fiancé, because I feel he has done nothing to resolve the problem – the problem being his daughter.

None of my boys or I speak to his daughter due to her attitude. I've asked him to seek out counseling for them, but so far he hasn't. I just want peace in my house for my sons and me. I did ask them to move out, but he says we are giving up all that we have worked for so far. I would like to continue on our path as we have planned, just not all living under the same roof. When she is out on her own (she is almost 17), and all my boys are on their own (youngest is 17), we can get back on track.”

Dear Teen-Torn,

There is a lot more going on here besides a rebellious teenage girl.  And things aren't going to magically change when she's out of the house.  You need some help to get through this, because the situation has clearly gotten out of hand. 

Counseling is a great idea – and I would start with couple counseling for you and your fiancé.  Both of you need to stand as a unit when dealing with his daughter or your sons.  To do that, you need to come to a consensus, and right now, with all this resentment between you, that is a difficult place to get to. 

If the daughter is acting out in order to cause problems between the two of you, it's working.  One thing that you can do is to not let it affect you.  Oftentimes, especially with teens, acting out is a cry for attention.  Instead of ignoring her, or not speaking to her, embrace her. 

This girl is going to be your daughter, too. Take her to dinner, just the two of you, and get to know her better.  Allow her to talk.  Find out what is going on in her life.  Be loving, be accepting, no matter what she does back to you. 

I know this is a lot to ask, but trust me, when you develop a relationship with this girl, the rewards are so worth it.  You can't change anyone – but you can change your reaction to them.  And when that happens, you'll find that tensions melt away, and that's when you can get the whole family back on track.

Please let me know how things turn out. Love, Lissa

Can I trust his cheating heart?

Linda from Phoenix asks Lissa for advice.

“I'd like to start by telling you that I thought we were the perfect, very much in love attractive couple, referred to as “Barbie and Ken.” We were a secure, well-dressed, good looking, healthy, fun-loving couple.

We are in a nine month relationship, and one month ago, I found out he had cheated on me two months prior with someone he had met at a match. I knew something was going on, and followed my intuition. I checked his e-mails and found out that they planned to meet at his place, and discussions of feelings. He mentioned that she deserved him and they had a great connection. As I read, I discovered that he used the exact words with her that he had said to me during our relationship.

Two weeks after his affair, he sent an e-mail to her breaking it off, and he told her that he wanted to be with me. When I found out, I made him call her so I could talk to her. She returned my call and asked what I hoped to gain from talking to her. I said that I wanted to know who this man was and whether I want to continue with the relationship.

She gave details of the afternoon affair. She claimed he was practically ripping her clothes off as soon as she walked in the door, and they had more then one indiscretion that day. She said that he had removed all our pictures in the condo. She knew about me, but he told her he wasn't sure where it was going. She claims he is a player, but one of the nicest men she's known. She was married and getting back at her husband for cheating on her.

I have not been able to spend any time in his place since then, for it is a reminder of his lies and indiscretion. In our relationship, he acted totally crazy in love with me, and even claimed to want to spend the rest of his life with me and marriage. We spent every day together and he has met all my family. We had a great relationship of love and trust.

His actions came as a surprise, for I never saw a clue. He claims he was not sure of where I was in the relationship and doesn't know himself why he did it, except maybe insecurity. He continues to show me how much he loves me every day. But then again, that was the way it was before the difference in his behavior.

I'm having difficulty trusting him, and it really does a number on me every day. I think about the way he must have touched, kissed and had sex with her, which would have been exactly the same as with me. I hate the way I feel and sometimes it makes me sick to my stomach.

Do I want to deal with this every day? Life is so short. Isn't anybody honest anymore? I'm a beautiful, secure, loving, Christian woman. I've considered ending the relationship. But I love him and he is doing everything to prove his love for me. Trust is an issue. Can I ever get it back? I still love him, but it seems suspended at the moment and not going forward. Will he cheat again if he feels insecure? I’m lost and without answers. Can you give me some advice?”

Dear Linda,

Yes, trust is an issue. Can you ever get it back? Only you can answer that. But here's a different take on your situation, just to give you some perspective. You only thought you had "a great relationship of love and trust."  You discovered that this man was deceiving you at least 6 months into what you thought was a committed relationship. 

He showed you that he is unworthy of your trust. The details are unimportant. You did nothing wrong. You deserve better. He makes your skin crawl. Take a break. You are under no obligation to anyone but yourself. 

You value honesty. Be honest with yourself. Get totally in tune with what you really want.  Don't settle for just any relationship or just any guy.  Let some time go by and you'll figure out how you really feel, and if this particular relationship is worth salvaging. 

Please keep me posted on what you decide to do.

Love,
Lissa

Do you have a relationship question for Lissa? E-mail us!

The information presented and the opinions expressed are those of the content provider. KTVK-TV and KASW-TV do not endorse the accuracy or reliability of any advice, opinion, statement, or other information by the content provider. You acknowledge that any reliance upon any such opinion, advice, statement, or information shall be at your sole risk.