When sex drives don't sync
Coffey Talk, with Relationship Expert Lissa Coffey
Sex-Driven in Glendale
"What to do when your sex drive is much greater than your husband's?? This has been a constant fight, we have been married for almost 3 yrs. But this started a little bit before our 1st anniversary. I have confronted him and all he says is that we are different. I am available to him all the time, midnight, 5 am, when I'm tired, all the time, but he is not for me.
I feel like he takes advantage of me and he is not willing to offer a 100% to the relationship. I feel he is very unfair and selfish. I am a stay home mom, a very good wife and partner but it really hurts me that he puts my needs after his. Should I just do the same that he does??
I am really tired of having this fight periodically. He thinks I’m a drama queen, that I am overreacting, that if I am always available then that’s my deal. What can I do??? Right now we have not spoken to each other for two days and I'm getting fed up. Please help.”
Dear Sex Driven in Glendale
Okay. How much greater are we talking here? There's a wide range of normal in relationships – and usually the best solution is to find some middle ground. If he wants it once a week and you want it three times a week, then agree on twice a week.
If you are so far apart that a compromise is not feasible then you might want to invest in sensual aids and just take care of your needs yourself. If your husband's sex drive is extremely low, there may be a physical cause. It would be wise to consult an urologist, and possibly also a psychiatrist to get your husband screened for depression.
Love,
~ Lissa
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